Despite being a self confessed fashion addict I know I'm no Anna Wintour; most of the time I'm more vague than Vogue, but may I ask a question anyway? Really, what's with all the jumpsuits, play suits and even flying suits gracing the pages of my fashion reads? Grazia keeps telling me, Obama stylee, "Yes You Can.... Wear A Jumpsuit - We'll Show You How!" No, No, No! They come from the era of Farrah Fawcett flicks, Bungalow 8, Charlie’s Angels, gloopy red lip gloss, flares and Cinzano Bianco...... and that is where they should stay!
To quote Ms Simon, who I'm sure sported, frequented, looked like, wore or drank most of the above seventies paraphernalia, there are a few things that have that legit "Coming Around Again" factor. I’m all for a bit of retro inspired cool from any decade. Fifties style prom dress? Yes. Pussy bow blouse? Of course. Oversize sunnies? Good enough for Nicole, good enough for me. Eighties style peg trousers? Why not? I even mustered the courage to buy a pair from Next recently and with the right shoes, they actually enhance the good bits and skim over the bad. Bonus!
But jumpsuits? Seriously? There are some trends that should stay buried for a reason, never ever ever to be resurrected by some designer struggling for a new take on an old idea to send down his or her catwalk. It’s entirely possible that as a child of the seventies I may have been dressed in one of these things. I say possible as I’m not sure, but this may be the reason behind my recurring nightmare of being desperate to pee and wrestling with said garment only to lose the battle at the last second if you know what I mean!
Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that some trends are only meant to be sported by nubile twenty somethings with honeyed limbs, long wavy hair and a catwalk stomp. Lets face it, these girls would look amazing in a sack but even on them, the jumpsuit is still a big no no as far as I'm concerned.
The full length version brings to mind the attire of a newborn who needs his or her nappy changing. And talking of visiting the ladies room, you’d better hope there is a way in to the crotch region or you'll wish you actually had opted for Pampers! Take the same garment, add in a few zips, manufacture it in khaki and voila, you can live the Top Gun dream all over again. As for the play suit…. isn’t that something that porn stars wear just before they are about to get down to the business of “making movies”? Or perhaps that’s just a hangover from the overriding image I was left with of Roller girl in Boogie Nights!
But hey ho... to truly love fashion is to love the good, the bad and the ugly and, despite it's bonkers mad side, for every micro trend there is one that is far more appealing to the mass market. Hands up who remembers the more wearable spawn of the jumpsuit, the body? This genius invention, courtesy of Donna Karen, was basically your average leotard with an easy access panel. The hassle of fiddling around with three poppers in your nether regions was far outweighed by the fact that it kept your tummy in check, you never had a drafty midriff and peek-a-boo thongs were unheard of!
Bloody hell... am I showing my age in this post or what?