Such are the immortal words uttered by Other Half just over six years ago, having agreed to go for dinner upon receiving my email which simply contained those other immortal words... "I miss us". I can't remember if he said it in his response, over the phone, on the night, or all three but such was the underlying tone that it could have been in capital letters, bold and very large font!
Having agreed to go to his local gastro pub and been informed that I could "stay over if you want but you'll be in THE SPARE ROOM", off I set from my flat in the city to his house he'd bought on the edge of the forest. Don't be fooled by the jaunty, casual tone... none of it was being undertaken very lightly by either party.
I was sick with nerves, anticipation and stomach twisting fear that he would tell me that hell would freeze over before he'd take me back. He was in full on defensive mode, an air of distance about him that I'd seen too many times when we'd bumped into each other at the office and there was that set of his jaw that tells you exactly what he's thinking without him having to say one word. I should add at this point that this was all very much as it should have been, seeing as I'd broken his heart in ways I only later found out; revelations that made me cry for the pain I'd caused him with the simple statement of "It's just not the right time for me".
Following his precise directions to the house he'd bought after we split up eighteen months previously, I arrived, still not knowing what words of wisdom I was going to follow up the now infamous email with.
After a quick tour of his pad that included the very definite pointing out of "here's my room and here's THE SPARE ROOM where you'll be sleeping", we walked to the pub, both of us gagging for that first drink that might quieten our jangling nerves. I was also hoping it would soften his demeanor and give me the confidence to tell him that I loved him, that I'd made a huge mistake in letting him go and to ask him if we could try again; all of this without babbling, begging or sobbing into my starter.
As it turned out I think we possibly covered every other issue under the sun before he finally came out with "So what's this all about then?" Seeing as he'd already made it abundantly clear that this definitely wasn't a date, I had no choice but to get on and try and put my innermost feelings into words. I don't remember exactly what I said except it was honest, from the heart and accompanied by a huge sense of relief at laying my cards on the table, knowing that I'd find out one way or the other whether he would be in my future.
Well.... both you and I know how it turned out! Although... I will say that nothing was really resolved that night and we didn't officially declare that we were back on full force, until one week, numerous texts and a Chinese Take Out/Red Wine With Lots Of Snogging On My Sofa night later!
I will also say that the non-date did end with me sleeping in THE SPARE ROOM, despite the fact that a lot of courage inducing alcohol was consumed and I was allowed a cuddle on the sofa as we listened to Nora Jones, albeit one with me pretty much kept at arms length!
My forgiving, gentle, loving Other Half now regularly teases me that one day, he will tell Small Child how her strumpet mother, who callously and without thought had previously dumped him, then tried to seduce him by kissing him on the neck whilst standing at the top of stairs saying goodnight!
Sorry babe.... this is my blog therefore I get to have the last word! I went to kiss you on the cheek and you turned away, leaving me with my lips attached firmly to somewhere in the region of your neck area! So, as non-dates go, I'd say it ended pretty well and if I'd have told you then that six years later we'd be married with a daughter, I dread to think what your response would have been!