I apologize if you thought you were in for a witty, sharp, punchy little number of a post, after all there must be one due along soon... but not today! Happenings this weekend have left me puzzled, thoughtful and if I'm honest, a little perplexed so the blog has to bear the brunt of it; I guess that at least lets Other Half off the hook anyway!
Towards the end of the summer I wrote that I had made contact with a friend from years past, someone who I considered to be more like a sister - we were two peas from a pod in lots of ways but very different in others that possibly only surfaced later. The reconnection was as a result of some late night, drunken Friends Reunited surfing - note to self - delete membership instantly and do not succumb in the future - it serves no useful purpose other than to perhaps indulge in some fond, bittersweet memories.
A wise person, or maybe a tipsy and philosophical me person, once said that the past is in the past for a good reason and there it should stay. Anyway, having received an enthusiastic response from my past, we arranged to meet in September. Due to a last minute child issue on her part the meeting was cancelled so a few months, texts and a Christmas later, we had arranged to meet up today. We got to six o clock yesterday evening and were arranging time and place etc when out of the blue I got a text saying that she'd changed her mind and felt it best that we didn't meet.
To say I was surprised would be a bit of an untruth; every time Other Half had asked me if I was looking forward to seeing her, my response was "Yes, if it actually happens" so I think I knew right from the start how it would end... or not even get off the ground.
I don't have the inclination to go into too much detail, nor feel that I should, but it led me to remember why I quietly snuck out of the friendship some six years ago. Meetings were cancelled, everything became slightly erratic and I ended up feeling like I was quite frankly nothing but a pain in the arse. Which perhaps I was..... perhaps I was too needy of our friendship; after all we shared many major life events between us - marriages, divorces, unwanted pregnancy, death of a parent, realisation that a parent wishes to remain absent; not to mention the many disastrous romantic entanglements. Perhaps it all took its toll and we had nothing left to give in the end. A sentence that you only expect to apply to a relationship but nonetheless one that seems to fit in this instance.
So whilst I accept that, in this case, the past will remain firmly where it is, I do feel a tinge of sadness that we maybe lost a chance to share some better stuff at a time when our lives had finally come into land in a less turbulent place. But then perhaps hers hasn't so I'm not judging... as I said, I'm just puzzled, thoughtful and a little perplexed.