Thursday, 31 July 2008

Down There


Hhhmm...can't believe I'm going to write a post about things...you know...down there! Look away now if you can't deal with it! Actually, it isn't graphic and most of it centres around my toilet humour affliction! I cant help it....I've always found all things "rest room" related hilarious; Other Half really struggled with it at first but he now he just indulges me! Small Child is already inheriting the trait - she laughs when she passes wind, wants to inspect her poo when she's finished and frequently uses the names given to her bits in public...loudly and quite often in a very descriptive manner and sometimes, joy of joys, even in relation to mine!

I had the annual trip to the doctors this morning for a "women's service and MOT"! (Notice if you will that I neglected to mention how many miles the service was for!). Why is it that even though I've done it a million times before and have now experienced the one thing where you lose every last shred of your dignity, childbirth, I still HATE it? You can never get used to "hop up on the couch" and "just lay back and relax". Relax?? You try relaxing whilst someone is poking around your nether regions and trying to make nonchalant conversation so that you don't notice!

It always reminds me of the story I heard about the woman who went for such an appointment and whilst waiting, had to use the ladies room. On discovering that there was no toilet paper but being ever resourceful, she fished around in her handbag for a tissue. Imagine her inability to explain when the doctor, minutes later in the course of his examination, had to remove a postage stamp from her "area"! First or second class madam?

Anyhoo..back to the smallest room! We only have one bathroom in our house and now that Small Child is toilet trained it does present some problems! Especially when Other Half went to use it last night only to find one and a half rolls of toilet paper nicely soaking up all the water! Unbeknown to me she'd placed them there, closed the lid and flushed before innocently tottering off to bed! Luckily no damage was done and when I questioned her this morning she told me that it was OK cos there was some left for me to use!
Seeing as she is officially queen bee in our house and has number one, and in this case, number two priority in everything, you will often find Other Half and I hopping about outside the bathroom, waiting for her to stop chanting nursery rhymes on the toilet and hurry up and finish! Such has been the desperation, and I haven't raised this yet, but I'm wondering how much it would cost to get a part of the garage converted into a downstairs toilet! (By the way, it does have an integral door in case you have visions of me nipping outside in P.J.'s in full view of the neighbours!) Perhaps not... Other Half has only just finished his "man cave make-over" project so I'd better keep that one to myself for a while!

2 comments:

Liam said...

Oh. My. God.

I swear to god we do the exact same things. We only have 1 bathroom and if the son comes running in saying he's gotta potty, well you get your ass out of the way!

that_girls_other_half said...

That Girl's Other Half here. This is my first comment on That Girl's blog. To prove my poo humour, I once bought That Girl a book called I Love Poo! and I have Whoopee Cushion widget on my iMac!