Have you ever committed that ultimate faux pas and asked someone if they where pregnant only to have a scolding "NO" spat in your face? Or worse... just gone up to them, patted their tummy whilst winking and nodding in a knowing fashion? Obviously this one is best reserved for those you know and not a recommended congratulatory tactic for passing strangers! Worse still..... has anyone ever asked you if you where with child when actually you are not?
Well... this one happened to me on Saturday at Other Sister In Law's 30th birthday lunch! Having shared a pizza covered in chilli's, drank two glasses of red wine and then guzzled a Tia Maria coffee, I was asked this mother of all bloopers by OSIL's dad as we were leaving. In order to preserve my sanity and few remaining shreds of dignity, for the rest of the day I put it down to last seasons cocoon shaped dress that I was wearing.... I'm guessing that's why its last seasons shape!
But later on.... after some more wine over dinner at Cousin It's house I got to thinking. Was it the fashionable shape that deceived him or did he catch sight of the unrestrained muffin top that was lurking beneath, perhaps revealed by a gust of wind that wrapped the dress in closer? Goddamn wind! And goddamn me for not wearing Bridget pants!
Whatever the reason behind it, there was a pregnant pause (sorry) before MM pipes up "Ooh I wish.... if only.... chance would be a fine thing....blah blah blah...". To which me and my Bro (bless him), jointly responded "Pipe down woman.... you've already got four bloody grandchildren.. how many more do you want?".
Low fat muffin anyone?