Sunday, 3 August 2008

What Lies Beneath


Whilst Other Half was off enjoying The Stag (Part II) last night, I turned off my chick flick of choice and caught the last half hour of Bridget Jones Diary... great movie and one that officially launched the phrase "Bridget Pants"!  Hands up... who owns a pair?  

I have to confess, that ever since watching such gems as What Not To Wear and How To Look Good Naked, I do now own a few versions of this oh-so-not-sexy garment. You have to experiment with what works best hence the different colours and assortment of styles that loiter at the back of my knicker drawer. Whilst they may not look at all enticing when you stand in front of the mirror in them, and I try really hard not catch sight of that trust me, they make a huge difference to any dress, trousers or slinky number that is the slightest bit unforgiving. Should I really be sharing this information with the world? Probably not if I wanted to maintain any sense of mystery/dignity/allure etc but hey.... life happens and then childbirth happens and if there's a way to contain the muffin top without surgery, then I'm all for it! 
Don't get me wrong, I am still a huge fan of pretty undies and these are the ones that live at the front, carefully arranged into shade and matching sets. A girlfriend spotted that once and said I was a bit anal.. rather unfortunate expression to use whilst referring to my underwear drawer but I digress!

In my heyday I was a big fan of thongs and as I type this I'm trying to remember why! All the women seemed to be wearing them (and perhaps some guys too but I never saw any) and I can't quite remember now what the actual benefit was! They used to peek out from the top of your waistband whenever you bent or knelt down.... actually I was mostly single at the time so perhaps that was the benefit!  Anyway, if memory serves there were three events that were instrumental in my decision to swap to underwear that was more pants, less floss. The first was when my BF spotted the aforementioned waistband overhang and thought that it would be fun to wedgie me... really hard! So hard in fact that she succeeded in ripping them (ouch!) and then felt so guilty that she slipped a £5 Marks and Spencer voucher in my handbag at work the following day so I could replace them! Bless! 
The second was when, after putting up  with what I thought was a particularly uncomfortable pair until lunchtime, I nipped to the ladies room at work. It was only when I spotted the label not where it should be that I realised I'd been wearing them sideways all morning!  

The last and perhaps most public mishap was at a charity ball when I once tried to tackle the VPL issue by not actually wearing any at all. This was fine until I happened to win the prize draw and on going up to collect my prize, the compare announced that I was indeed, totally pants free!  My date had decided to write phrase "no knickers" between between my first and last name on my ticket! My one and only shot at going commando ended with me wanting to disappear into the night quicker than a snapped knicker elastic! 

So there you have it. I'm old enough to know better... and better for me is no VPL under certain outfits. If that means Big Pants rather than any of the incidents above then I'll take the heavy duty Lycra option thanks!  

1 comment:

Liam said...

My first question is WHY in the hell would a guy announce to the world that you're not wearing anything? I mean that's just SO not kosher.

That being said... the waistband of the undies peeking out over the top of your pants was never a problem when pants had a waist that was anywhere normal... But when the waist is 4" above the crotch of your pants... of course they're going to show...